Let's Talk About LOVE, Shall We?

Disclamer: I’m not a love guru or an expert. I’m just sharing my life experiences.

Love is a choice.

Love is a decision that we make. You may agree or not but this is how I see it. So what happens when the love of our life leaves us? We stumble and fall. NO.

People come and go. One way or another, somewhere in our lives someone will leave us or we’ll leave someone. It is the truth and it really happens. I was once heartbroken myself. I could not accept it, he was my first boyfriend and I thought he was my one true love. He met my family and I met his. I thought we were perfect for each other. That was before I discovered that there was another girl. Bastard. Anyway, I’m good now. I have moved on and he’s already part of the past which is kind of blurred. I’m in a much better place now and I’m happy that we did not end up together.

I am guilty of being martyr myself. After I’ve learned that there is someone else I was ready to forgive him and take him back into my arms. I was ready to be the other girl. What a dumbass was I right? I don’t know if that was love. Now that I think of it I guess it was more of the scared feeling of being left alone or being betrayed that was thinking. You don’t want to be a charity case, do you? The “it’s complicated” part of a relationship is like being in a limbo. Either you’ll go up in heaven or you end up in hell.

Some men will tell you that they love you but they also love the other girl. Wake up! He can’t have the best of both worlds, unless he’s Hannah Montana. If it was up to me I don’t want to be the MWF or the TTHS girlfriend. Just like in a multiple choice exam you have to choose one, no all of the above.

Some men will tell you to not leave them because they need you. Need you for what? to be his nanny or his freaking atm? I’m not being selfish here but think of it as any normal person will do. Are you working your ass off for your future, yes it could be for the future of the both of you but it does not necessarily means that you should carry all the weight.

Now are we talking?

Since, there are a lot of girls seeking help on moving on in GT I decided to share my thoughts.

1. Step 1 is the hardest. Knowing that you are not meant to be and a once picture perfect relationship was all thrown out the window. Talk to him. This should be the “breakup talk” or what they call “the closure”. A lot of people say that there’s still hope since they did not have any closure. Blah. To set things straight, talk for the last time.

2. Wallow. In some dictionaries wallowing is labeled as the act of degradation. This is where you break down and cry. Cry until you fall asleep, call your BFF, reminisce the things that you love about your ex, eat as much ice cream as you like and stuff like that. Though, beware of doing stupid things that you’ll regret later.

3. Acceptance. Accept the fact that the two of you are no longer meant to be together. As to what I have learned, you may act in front of your friends and tell them that you’ve moved on but really you haven’t. No matter what encouraging words other people tell you unless you accept that you’re no longer a couple it would be hard to move on.

4. Let go. You are bound to go your separate ways anyway. Write everything that you want to say to your ex in a nice clean sheet of pad paper. All the feelings that you have had for him and all the questions that you want to ask him. The tricky part is you either keep this in a place where you will never see it or you burn it. Don’t give it to him. Why? It will likely cause confusion for the both of you.

5. The no contact rule. The no contact rule is a prerequisite to letting go. Try to divert your attention to other things. Constant communication with each other like nothing happened will just prolong your agony and will just bring you back to step one.

6. Love yourself. No one can really help you but yourself. It’s nice to be surrounded by friends and family that unconditionally love you but you can also enjoy doing things alone. Try to watch a movie alone, go on a holiday, have a full body massage, read books, try different restaurants, shop for a new wardrobe and so on. I’m sure there are still things that you haven’t discovered about yourself. You might be good at something and you don’t know about it because you were too busy about your ex-relationship. This is also the best time to replenish that bank account. I know how relationship can seriously deflate funds because of date nights here and there.

7. Be thankful. Thank God that He always guide us every step of the way. Thank your family and friends for being patient and understanding of your situation.

I guess after all of these you’ll be much closer to happiness. Being single or in a relationship requires a certain amount of effort. There are people who choose and enjoy single life. There is nothing wrong about that, I’ve been single for quite a while and sometimes I ask myself if there is something wrong with me. I guess I got my answer to that; everything happens in the right time. Do not rush it or you might miss a lot of things in your life. Love would be sweeter this time around.

This I can assure you because I found mine.

You may not agree with the things that I’ve said but it is my opinion so I would like you to respect it as much as I would respect yours. I’m just thinking out loud here and I would want to hear your comments and suggestion :).